Guest Contributor: Merry F'n Xmas from Joey Kern

I try to post up a holiday mix each year, but since my mixer is broken and I've been a little ill... I asked funny guy Joey Kern to step in and grace us with his cherished holiday classics instead. You might recognize him as the "He's already pulled over" guy from Super Troopers, one of the victims of Cabin Fever, or as the shirtless "Shirts Jokum" in The Sasquatch Dumpling Gang. He's also in the upcoming indie comedy Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead (with Devon Aoki, Jeremy Sisto and even Karate Kid Ralph Macchio), amongst others.

Here's what he had to share:

Ah Christmas. It's that time of year that comes... well... this time every year. I mean, you can always rely on it, unless you're Jewish. Sorry Jews. But I think we can all gather around the mistletoe with these songs. Some take me back to my childhood, and others take me back to five minutes ago when I found them on iTunes. But they all make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Some of these songs were also from a holiday mix I made a few years ago called "Merry F'n Xmas." My mom didn't like that title at all. Oh well.

Merry F'n Xmas to you all!

Bing Crosby - Happy Holiday (Beef Wellington Remix)
A little twist to the well known.

Bobby Helms - Jingle Bell Rock
Just a classic.

Ella Fitzgerald - Santa Claus Got Stuck In My Chimney
I never heard this as a lad because I'm not sure it's appropriate for kids. "Stuck in her chimney!?" I think we can all guess what she's really talking about. Do I have to spell it out? Ok! Her V-A-G-I-N-A.

The Kinks - Father Christmas
Who says you can't be badass around the holidayz? See? I'm trying it with putting a "z" at the end of Holiday. Feels good.

Bing Crosby - Mele Kalikimaka
I'd like to spend Christmas in Hawaii, just because now I know how to speak the language.

Robert Earl Keen - Merry Christmas From The Family
This humorous Christmas song so is so much better than "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer."

Elvis Presley - Blue Christmas
It's not Christmas without a really depressing song from Elvis. Thanks, King!

Gene Autry - Here Comes Santa Claus (Down Santa Claus Lane)
I like how he say "Santy" Claus.

Berlin Symphony Orchestra - Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy (Red Baron Remix)
I wonder if they've done a ballet to this version? I'd see that.

That's it. Go get drunk on the 'nog and tell your Aunt Wendy what you really think of her gift.


- Joey

You can also see some of Joey's videos over at Funny or Die, including this hilariously spot on impersonation of Matthew McConaughey:



Thanks, pretty boy!